Enough
by OrangerChloe
Summary: Humans have always been something of a mystery to Castiel. Insanity has cleared a couple of things up though. D/C if you squint Spoilers S7


Lisa walks proudly, her every movement making her hips sway and her loose black curls bounce. Her bag hangs loosely from the crook of her elbow, swinging with her fluid strides as she turns down the alley- cutting a shortcut to her house where a boy is waiting anxiously as he has every day when he returns from school before his mother is home. He has no idea why. No clue why the dark suddenly scares him or why the nightmares that frequent him involve his beautiful mother dying in the arms of some faceless man with a shotgun or, in flashes, holding a knife to his throat. It's darker than normal for the summer; a storm brewing overhead and the shadows creep across the town, devouring the inhabitants and blanketing the streets. Nonetheless, the raven haired woman continues down her path, never faltering or doubting her neighbourhood as she travelles her shortcut.

_Mistake. _The angel watching her thinks as the woman Dean loved passes through the alleyway, accompanied by the sound of the Click-Clack of her heels and the faint sounds of engines passing on the main road. The diminishing sunlight plays around her shoulders as she passes a metal gate, someone's garden, abandoned and overgrown and for that moment Castiel would swear _she_ was the angel, all glow and hope and naïve. He wonders about her so much it hurts, watching from afar: the woman Dean loved enough. Not completely. Not Dean, he never believed he deserved a complete love. But enough to be okay. To work through it. In that moment Cas looks at this normal, _human _woman and imagines all the plans Dean had for her. He imagines her uterus swelling with Dean's child, of him grinning sheepishly as he feels her stomach and taking a swig of his flask before reminding himself he was supposed to be quitting, to be a good father. The two standing at in a church with Ben, holding two rings and winking at Dean whilst Bobby stands to the side with a baby girl pulling at his beard and gurgling. The man has never looked prouder and Dean has never looked happier than that moment in Castiel's mind. Of course, there are details he can't imagine quite right, the flask Dean holds in his hand is Bobby's; a symbol of his death, a loss this Dean never had to endure. And, of course; Sam is there, dressed to the nines with a shit eating grin as Jessica murmurs in his ear, filthy things about being best man and how he looks in a suit.

Things that can never be. The happy images Cas conjured are ripped from his mind by a shrill tone ripping through the air; A ringtone. Lisa stops and rifles through her bag, muttering nonsense to herself.

_Mistake. _The man following her thought as he watches his target halt in the middle of the rapidly darkening alley. She's in his territory now, as brazen as you like, no concern for her safety keeping her moving in a place like this. That'll cost her. He'll teach her to fear guys like him. He eyes the phone in her hand; sleek, a new brand touch screen all lit up as she thumbs in some sort of reply. He could get a good price for that, plus the leather bag barely still on her arm. That's clearly worth something and she obviously has money. And he needs a hit, so bad he aches. She's his meal ticket really, and there's no one around…

He moves in.

"Excuse me." He calls gruffly, making a little jog to catch up as she pockets her phone and looks up. Finally there's a little bit of weariness on her face and he grins awkwardly at her, putting on his best 'Embarrassed' face.

"You see, I'm in a bit of a mess, someone nicked my wallet on the train earlier, phone too and I'm well out of my way around here, could I borrow ya' phone for a sec and call someone t' pick me up?" He keeps his voice even as she looks him up and down, taking in his roughed up jeans and dark shirt. Her eyes narrow slightly as she takes in where they are.

"Surely a better place to ask for a phone would be on the main street?" Her voice is cold and guarded, but she's close enough now and he growls as he grabs her shoulder, pushing her face to the nearest wall.

"Keep calm missy, I just need ya' bag, an' maybe ya' phone." With one hand he presses her to the wall, hand splayed evenly along the line of her shoulders and the base of her neck whilst the other delves into her pockets, relieving her of her swish phone. She'd been still till now, but as his hand dives into the pocket she bucks, pushing off of the wall and his arm buckles in surprise. Spinning around, she grabs his arm, ripping it from her pocket and raising her arms to a passable guard, basic self-defence he had to admit he wasn't expecting her to have. It doesn't matter though, he has back up in case things don't go according to plan, and once, in another lifetime, he's been a fighter too- almost professional. His hand digs into his own pocket now, flipping up a switchblade and brandishing it with a grin.

The target eyes the blade warily and tries to back further away as he sweeps In and grabs at her arm, getting a grip at her elbow and twisting until she flinches.

"Now missy," He mumbles, holding the knifepoint to her cheek, digging in just a fraction to draw a little blood, just to scare her. Before he's accomplished this mission however, there is a tap on his shoulder.

He flinches, pushing her away from him to the wall and spinning brandishing his knife. Before he has even made a full turn two fingers hit his forehead and his sinks into unconsciousness.

Castiel looks down at the woman before him, looking up at him defiantly, a small drop of blood sliding down her cheek. For all the world, she doesn't look scared, but Castiel sees the way all angels see; he sees everything full and vivid and loud and he can hear her heart pounding and see her hand shaking and she's just so _human _and unspecial and what is it?

"What is it?" He murmurs to her, leaning in close, until his nose is touching hers, he looks into her eyes and imagines Dean doing the same thing. Still, Cas wonders what Dean saw, what was _enough._

"What?" She replies, more irritated than fearful of the man before her, despite what she just saw him do.

"What made him choose you? Why are you special?"

"Well, I don't know about special, but I'd say it was my purse or phone perhaps?" She retorted, brushing herself off and pushing off the wall. "Thank you for that, I appreciate it. Truly. I have to go now though, my son is waiting."

And with that she was gone, striding away into the night again.

Castiel looks after the woman, her Click-Clack fading away into the distance and thinks some more. He knows his mind is scattered, distractions coming from angles he had never imagined but more than that, this new, free insanity he had taken from Sam gave him perspective, insight. He knows now what he could never have imagined as a whole angel; He loves the elder Winchester. He would do anything for the man, save his brother from anything just to give Dean peace of mind, wipe the memory of the two people that might have given him a new start.

Anything.

And in that moment, Cas reflects, as the memories washed away from the pair, amidst the hate and anger he had for Dean, for not trusting his plan, for not believing in him, he thought about possibility. For a second he thought _now that they're gone _and he felt a spark of hope, forgetting all that was surrounding him, how far gone he already was as he stopped for that one moment all he could think of was _now- what? _

Something now painfully obvious to him stumped him so thoroughly then and he laughs, free and out loud, it echoes around him. It means nothing now, too much wrong, too much to forgive. Dean couldn't possibly, and he doesn't know that he'd let him if he could. Even now, even free of the purpose and poisonous arrogance of before. It means nothing.

_But still, _that voice in his head- the one that isn't Lucifer- taunts, _what if? You could be enough._

_No. He replies. I never could._


End file.
